My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
