if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I deserve this hangover.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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