I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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