and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Drake has all the answers
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
