this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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