Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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