i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize