I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
