Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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