xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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