i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Panties = found
Randomize
