I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
