I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
