K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
