ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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