Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
