Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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