....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
