I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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