I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize