Pappa wants mamma naked
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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