i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
you made out with another girl for some wings
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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