apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
