wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
