I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just pee around me
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
