So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
babies were throwing up all over the place
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Randomize