Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I can't put those talents on a resume
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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