After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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