Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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