Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
