just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
that may or may not have been my penis.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
