you guys were way drunker than both of me
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
