Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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