the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I have already put on my inside pants.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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