Taylor Swift is so right about you.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
