I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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