You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
