I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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