Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
