did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
