I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
