I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
