sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
