god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
