Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize