I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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