Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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