And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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