Cold hands, warm shart.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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