Your dad touched me again.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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