So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize