just survived the first fart of the relationship.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
