I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
