So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
