Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
