You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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