btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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