I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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