Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
