Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just sucked dick on a ferry
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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