My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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