The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
