I am puke
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
