Christians are straight up FREAKS
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
