So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
