Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
