dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
