Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
