What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
