my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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