You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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