I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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