I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
