No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
