this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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