ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
