I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
