I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
