I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
