dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
