btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
