I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
