i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
