Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
that is very illegal...i love you.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
