hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
