Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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