last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
