The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize