yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
