I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
