Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
