I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
