My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
