Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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