Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
