wrigley field is MILF paradise
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize