I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize