Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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