Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
