Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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