Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize