Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
