It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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