Man, jail baloney is awful.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
