Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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