threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i came on her dog
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You pole danced in your parka.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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