How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
try to milk me bitch
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
