Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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