Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
