Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
