He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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