Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I had to cum in my sink.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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