a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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