I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
