i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
