But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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