Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
