In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
